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An Evening With Alan Pedersen (at the regular Katy Chapter meeting on Tuesday, March 9, 2010)

By Scottie Holton

Alan Pedersen visited our Compassionate Friends meeting 2009, and shared his music and his story about his beloved

daughter, Ashley, who died in an auto accident at the age of 19. His message touched our hearts and nourished our souls.

Alan knows the pain and sorrow that has overwhelmed his life and our lives. His songs vividly describe his grief journey.

As he visited with our Katy Chapter, his words and in March, his music connected with our pain even as his presentation was

uplifting and inspiring. His message seemed to shine a light to guide our way.

Alan's music is light in sound. You may find the melodies filling your head. His music coupled with his lyrics, tells his

story, sharing his belief that we can live again, that our children are forever in our hearts, in our souls. In one song he

explains that grief is not something we get over. Grief is something we go through. Alan says, ever so tenderly, that our child

has died. We have not lost them. We do not lose our children. If they were lost, we would still be looking for them.

He also uses five words to describe our grief journey. He calls these words the five H's of Grief:

HURT - People who find peace again understand that they will hurt for a lifetime. That indescribable pain, the life

stopping pain that grips us, that hurt that seizes our being, will with time become different, yet it will always be a part of our

lives. Life will to some degree be bittersweet. Some things more sweet than bitter, some things more bitter than sweet. We

will grow to understand that we can embrace life, enjoy events; yet always know that these events can be accompanied by

hurt for the child who has died.

HOPE - People who find peace rediscover hope. Some people use their religious faith to base their hope. Some find

hope by sharing their experience with others who are walking the same journey, and others base their hope on a belief that

they will one day be reunited with their children again.

HELP - People who find peace reach out to help others, while also acknowledging that they, too, must be willing to seek

help for themselves. They understand the importance of not being isolated from those who understand the length and

magnitude of their journey. As so many of us have found around the world, people in Compassionate Friends help and

support each other. They will give you the shirt off their back, if they believe it will help you along your way. We must

surround ourselves with supportive people, as we so willingly surround others when they are in need of support. It is okay to

ask for help.

HONOR - People who find peace engage in outward acts and deeds to honor their child. There are endless ways to

honor our child in our home, our community, our world. We love to hear our children's names. Allowing ourselves to speak

aloud our precious memories, the joy we shared, the fun we experienced, is a way to honor our child. We become the voice

for our child. There is no greater way to keep our children's memory alive in this world than by honoring them through our

actions.

HEALING - When the first four H's are at work in the lives of a bereaved family member, healing becomes present as

well. As we allow ourselves to feel the hurt, find hope in the future, help and accept help, and honor our child through our

words and deeds, we will find peace. Using the words from one of Alan's songs, we will find ourselves a little further down the< /p>

road. Our healing is a process; it is not an event.

As Alan began to create his music, his original intent was to record one CD and call it Ashley's Songbook. However, his

songs continued and he has now written and recorded enough songs to fill three CD's. His experience and his wisdom are

tightly woven into all three. You can read more about Alan's work, future concerts/events, and hear his music at EverAshley

Music www.everashleymusic.com

Donations

Our chapter is operated entirely by volunteers dedicated to furthering the work of TCF. Your voluntary, tax deductible

donations honor your loved one in a meaningful way by enabling us to print and mail the Newsletter and meet other

expenses involved in reaching out to other grieving families. Donations, along with the name of the person being honored

may be sent to:

Lisa Leanard, TCF, Katy, Treasurer

13814 Wheatbridge Drive

Houston, TX 77041

 

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